By Mindy Rubenstein
A Coffee Shop Conversation That Stuck with Me
I’m sitting across from a woman at a coffee shop in Israel. We’re here for a meeting, but her attention shifts to my sheitel.
“How are you going to handle that during the summers here?” she scoffs.
She doesn’t realize I’ve recently moved from Miami, where the heat and humidity are just as intense. Her comment stings, but I stay calm.
Toward the end of our meeting, I ask, “Why did you say that?” She pauses, then admits, “Honestly, I spent so much money on my sheitel, and now it just sits in my closet unused.”
That moment stuck with me. It reminded me how personal and nuanced the mitzvah of hair covering is—and how easy it is to project insecurities and judgements onto others.
My Journey to Hair Covering
I started becoming more religiously observant at 30, already married with two kids. Now at 48, I still find hair covering to be one of the most challenging mitzvot. I’m a creative person with ADHD, and my mood or personality for the day often dictates what I choose to wear. Sometimes it’s a sheitel; other days, it’s a scarf, a beret, or a hat.
The Styles of Hair Covering in Israel
Living in Israel, I’ve noticed how different the styles are. Here, women often wear big, bold tichels that make a statement. While I admire the creativity, I don’t wear mine in the typical Israeli way. I’ve collected dozens of colorful scarves over the years and tie them in ways that feel more “me.” This process is fun, but it also has to accommodate my sensory issues and headaches.
Wearing a baseball cap is my least favorite option. I was told that it’s something American women often do, but for me, it just doesn’t feel good. Covering my hair isn’t just about modesty—it’s about feeling spiritually connected and feminine.
The Spiritual and Halachic Dimensions of Sheitels
I’ve bought my sheitels secondhand, except for the first one. That was soon after I started becoming relgious. As a journalist and columnist, I wrote about my ongoing Jewish journey for newspapers, magazines and websites. (My columns on Chabad.org. My columuns on Aish.com).
I’ve learned that wearing a sheitel carries a unique spiritual significance. The Lubavitcher Rebbe spoke passionately about the importance of women covering their hair with a sheitel, emphasizing its ability to elevate modesty and dignity to a higher level. He viewed the sheitel not only as a halachic requirement but also as a tool for bringing greater holiness into the home and the world.
Torah and Kabbalah on Hair Covering
The Torah and Kabbalah also touch on the deeper meaning of hair covering. In Numbers 5:18, the Sotah ritual highlights the sanctity of a woman’s modesty, while Kabbalistic teachings suggest that covering the hair protects and channels spiritual energy. Some even connect this idea to the crown chakra in other spiritual traditions, where covering the head symbolizes divine connection and humility.
In Jewish mysticism, the Sefirah Keter, meaning “Crown,” parallels the crown chakra as the highest point of divine connection, and hair covering symbolizes a woman’s spiritual dignity and her alignment with this divine source.
A Journey of Growth and Empowerment
There have been times, especially when I’ve felt less spiritually grounded, when I stopped covering my hair altogether. Those moments felt like stepping back, but they also brought clarity. When I returned to covering, it felt like a renewal—a chance to reconnect and grow, almost as if I was a ba’alat teshuva all over again.
Ultimately, covering my hair has been a personal and evolving journey. It’s not always easy, and I try not to judge myself—or anyone else—for inconsistencies. We all have unique paths, and this mitzvah, like so many others, is deeply personal. Whether I wear a sheitel, a tichel, or a beret, the goal is to align with my inner self and feel empowered by the choice.
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I’m Mindy Rubenstein, a writer and spiritual coach for women and teens. Contact me for a complimentary session.
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