When Silence Becomes Abuse: Navigating Emotional Stonewalling

The Hidden Pain of Emotional Neglect and Its Toll on Women

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Abuse isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s wrapped in silence—stonewalling, denial, and emotional distance that can leave a woman feeling invisible, unloved, and unsafe.

This has been my reality in a relationship that mirrors the same wounds I experienced growing up.

I internalized the anger and sadness of parents who didn’t know how to express their emotions. I believed their pain was my fault and carried the shame of thinking I wasn’t good enough to be loved.

Now, as an adult, I find myself in a similar dynamic.

When I try to share my feelings with my partner—saying things like, “I feel scared,” or *“I feel lonely”—*I’m met with shutdowns.

He tells me to stop talking, leave him alone, or denies his anger altogether. It feels like the only emotions I’m allowed to have are happiness and excitement, while my pain and needs are dismissed.

What many people don’t understand is how a dynamic like this can push a woman to her breaking point. When silence and stonewalling replace connection, it can feel like suffocating in the face of indifference.

For someone with an anxious attachment style, this triggers intense feelings of rejection and abandonment. Over time, the buildup of unacknowledged pain and unmet needs can result in outbursts.

Women in situations like this may yell, cry, or even act out in ways that look unkind or aggressive. This doesn’t mean they’re villains. It means they’re drowning, desperate for connection and safety that continues to be withheld.

He is doing his own work, and I believe part of him wants to grow. But no matter his efforts or intentions, the reality is this: I don’t feel safe or loved.

For years, I’ve begged for a simple acknowledgment, something like, “I’m angry, but it’s not about you. You’re safe, and I won’t hurt you.” Instead, I’m met with denial and silence, which trigger those same wounds of feeling abandoned and unworthy.

We have sought help from numerous relationship counselors and therapists over the years, but the core issues remain unresolved.

I recognize that it’s not my job to assess his progress or take his inventory. His healing journey is his own, and I hope he finds peace. But I can no longer wait for him to heal on his timeline while I continue to feel unsafe on mine.

This isn’t easy. I feel shame and pain for stepping away from a relationship I’ve been in for most of my adult life. But I have children—two of whom are already adults—and I want to model a different path for them.

I want to show them what it looks like to be compassionate to myself, even in the face of fear and uncertainty.

While this relationship has helped me confront and heal old wounds, I’m ready to step into a life where I can feel safe and loved.

I’ve started working as a private teacher, and each shekel I earn feels like a step toward freedom. I continue to grow through individual and group therapy, and I remind myself that this pain will pass as I learn to love myself in ways I never could before.

Emotional abuse doesn’t always leave visible scars, but its impact is real. If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that you’re not alone. Healing is possible, and your safety and value are worth fighting for.

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