Untangling Emotions: Reconnecting with My True Self

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By Mindy Rubenstein

For much of my life, I was deeply attuned to others—reading their emotions, especially when they seemed angry or unhappy, and absorbing their energy. I wasn’t just noticing their feelings; I was drawn to it, as if their mood was my responsibility. Over time, this left me disconnected from my own emotions, confusing theirs with mine.

I now see that much of what I thought were my feelings were actually pseudo-feelings. These arise when we react to others’ emotions or external circumstances instead of acknowledging what we truly feel deep inside. For instance:

• Saying, “I feel abandoned,” might reflect a deeper sadness or longing for connection.
• “I feel unimportant,” might stem from shame or a need for validation.

Through the 12 Steps, I’ve begun untangling these layers.

Step One taught me to acknowledge my powerlessness over inherited patterns and emotional entanglements, which was the first step toward real freedom.

Step Four’s fearless moral inventory helped me name my emotions and patterns, while Step Six encouraged me to become willing to release these harmful traits.

Step Eleven’s focus on prayer and meditation has deepened my connection to my Higher Power, guiding me with love as I navigate this process of self-discovery.

Working the steps brings me closer to my True Self—the part of me that’s always been there, waiting beneath inherited beliefs and learned behaviors.

“The soul of man is the lamp of God, searching all the inward parts.” (Mishlei / Proverbs 20:27)

Naming Real Feelings and Taking Action

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is the importance of identifying and working with authentic feelings:

1. Sadness:
   • What to do: Allow yourself to feel and express it. Cry, journal, or pray. Remember, as the Psalms say:
     “Those who sow with tears will reap with joy.” (Tehillim / Psalms 126:5)
2. Anger:
   • What to do: Engage in something somatic to release the energy, like boxing, dancing, or going for a vigorous walk. Create art or write to explore what boundary might need reinforcing. Anger, I’ve learned, often points to a need for self-protection.
3. Fear or Anxiety:
   • What to do: Ground yourself in the present. Breathe deeply, recite a calming verse, or meditate. Call a friend who is spiritually connected.
     “Be still and know that I am God.” (Tehillim / Psalms 46:10)
4. Shame:
   • What to do: Remind yourself of your inherent worth. Speak kindly to yourself and seek supportive community.
     “For I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Yirmiyahu / Jeremiah 31:3)

Checking In with Myself

Throughout the day, I pause to check in:

• What am I feeling right now?
• Is this my emotion, or have I absorbed someone else’s?
• What do I need in this moment?

This practice grounds me, helping me align with my True Self and Higher Power—what I sometimes call Infinite Love.

The Healing Power of Self-Care

Part of reconnecting with my True Self is prioritizing self-care—not as a luxury, but as an essential act of love. Here’s what self-care often looks like for me:

Attending a meeting or calling a recovery friend to share and listen.

Talking to God, whom I sometimes call Infinite Love, to feel supported and guided. (This is an ongoing practice that takes time to develop, like any relationship.)

Journaling to untangle my thoughts and feelings.

Creating art, especially neurographic art and watercolor painting, to soothe and connect with my intuition.

Walking in nature to ground myself and find peace.

Practicing mindfulness, prayer, or meditating on the names of God in Hebrew.

Taking breaks to rest and recharge, especially during busy days.

Doing more of what I love: writing poetry, reading, or learning something new.

Surrendering with Love

Through working the 12 Steps, I’ve learned to surrender—not in weakness, but with trust and confidence (bitachon). I put in my effort and trust that I’m being guided by Infinite Love. This surrender has freed me from fear and perfectionism, allowing me to grow into a more compassionate and grounded version of myself.

“Commit your way to God; trust in Him, and He will act.” (Tehillim / Psalms 37:5)

If you’re struggling to untangle your emotions or reconnect with your True Self, know that you don’t have to do it alone. If you’d like support, feel free to reach out.

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Mindy Rubenstein is a writer, artist, and creative teacher living in northern Israel with her husband and children. She holds a master’s degree in journalism, is certified in spiritual healing, and has published hundreds of articles, created magazines for women, and written a book about her journey with mental health and spirituality.

A proud Jewish woman, Mindy is passionate about personal growth, healing, and empowering others. Through her private lessons and small group sessions, she helps women and children build confidence, express themselves authentically, and uncover their inner strengths.