Morning Reflections of Strength Amidst Uncertainty

Journal Entry – July 30

Time: 11:15 AM

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Morning Reflections:

I woke at 5 AM today and took a walk to witness the sunrise. The sky was a mesmerizing red above the mountains, a moment of awe and love from G-d. Despite the beauty, there’s an underlying tension about the news—something is going to start soon. The waiting, the uncertainty, the fear—they’re all consuming, but I trust Hashem and believe He is running everything. I remind my scared parts of this trust.

Physical Sensations of Fear:

• Neck and Spine: I feel a subtle throb at the back of my neck and the top of my spine.
• Stomach and Chest: Nausea, a churning feeling that rises up into my chest and throat, seeking escape.
• Mouth: My tongue swells, and there’s extra saliva.
• Legs and Feet: The sensation moves down my legs, seeking an exit.

It’s like when I got shocked a couple of days ago by touching a live wire from a broken light in my bedroom—the energy seeking to return to the earth. Emotions, after all, are energy in motion.

Current Events:

Ari’s boyfriend, who is in the IDF, called at 5 AM (oddly, at the same time I got up) to say he’ll be unavailable for a couple of days—they’re going in. Ari heard me awake at this early hour and called me into her room to tell me.

Yesterday he called back, hours after abruptly getting off the phone, to say they had gone to the bomb shelters for a couple days.

I hurt for Ari, and for our soldiers, their families, and friends. The burden of bearing this pain must be immense. Some people fold under it; some rise from the ashes. There’s no judgment—sometimes emotions are too heavy to move at all.

Physical Space:

I’m sitting in our home office, which doubles as the reinforced protected room (mamad), standard in Israeli homes. The room has stronger walls and one window with a steel cover. There are chemical filters and other safety features. Danny uses this room for work in the evenings, American hours. We have a futon and desk here, but no AC due to the structural integrity concerns. A fan is blowing on me to combat the nearly 100-degree heat outside.

View and Surroundings:

From the end of our street, there’s a view of a valley and the neighboring Arab village called Feuradis. We live in Zichron Yaakov, a town founded in the 1800s by pious Jews from Eastern Europe. It’s a stunning place with cobblestone streets and views of the Mediterranean Sea. The main synagogue, Ohel Yaakov, is the most beautiful and oldest one I’ve been in.

Emotional State:

As we prepare for the coming war, though it feels like we’ve been in it for nine months, I sense it will be closer now. In this moment, I feel strong, and I know I’ll need this strength for myself and our kids. For now, we continue life as usual—getting ready to go shopping for toiletries and groceries, and maybe stopping by the WIZO thrift store for some summer clothes. In between tasks we recite Tehillim. Dan will go to daily minyan at 1:30.

I pray for G-d to give me the strength and courage to remember why we are here, why He sent us Jews into this world. Help me live as a beacon of light and do His will.

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“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6

Photo by Daniel Rubenstein, Ceasarea, Israel